Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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