So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize