I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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