Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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