I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize