my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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