"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize