Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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