I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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