I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize