so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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