I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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