Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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