Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize