But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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