I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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