I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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