I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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