I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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