I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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