I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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