Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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