tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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