I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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