RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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