If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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