Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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