i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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