Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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