I wanna bring you to show and tell
just come out here and I will go home with you...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
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He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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