i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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