had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize