I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize