I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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