someone threw a dead crab at me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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