I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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