id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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