She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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