I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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