You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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