I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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