rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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