Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize