Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The air taste purple.
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