i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize