Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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