I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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