She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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