i think my mom watched the whole time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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