Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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